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We are born on this planet, and nobody tells us, that our parents are going to be the examples by which we will make sense of the world. Nobody explains us that we, subconsciously, take and absorb everything they do and that we mimic their behaviours.
I was born in Bogota, Colombia. When I arrived on this planet, my parents weren't in the best place in their romantic relationship. The constant absence of my father because of work, and the weight of a solo mom at home made things quite difficult for them to work as a team, and build a peaceful and loving home.
It was when I was two years old, that things got a little heated and my parents ended up separating. Leaving my mom, my baby brother, and myself alone at home. I'm not trying to picture my dad as some kind of terrible dad that abandoned us without a word. Actually the opposite. He tried his best to be present in the best possible way he could at that time. He was responsible for our material needs (food, home, clothes, etc). But the reason why I'm telling this part of my personal story is that what I lacked from my dad was emotional support and affection. He wasn't really present physically in my childhood.
This, throughout my life, and while growing up, created a "hole" inside myself. Even though the reason why he was absent most of the time wasn't personal to me, it wasn't my fault, I took it like that.
When you are a child you don't understand those situations and you grow up believing that the reason for him not being there at home, is because of you!
Parents are the first example and the first connection we have with feminine and masculine roles. Meaning, our father is the first love, so to say, we have with the masculine gender, and the way we grew up interacting with him and the examples we see from him, is what we learn to be normal for us in relationships.
Now, what does have to do this with the relationships you create or manifest romantically? And how does this relate to the way you interact with them?
Basically everything!
The way you learned to interact with your dad and the way he treated you, created the base for:
What you subconsciously look for in a partner (characteristics, personality traits, and behaviours)
How you behave in your romantic relationships or when looking for one
How you show up for yourself in the relationship
This is why you may still be sabotaging yourself. Repeating the same disasters, one after another with the same type of person but with different people. Always running away or staying longer with someone who you just know isn't good for you.
Maybe you cling, as I did, with people that don't love you for who you are, or maybe you go around being completely avoidant of emotional connection.
Whatever your situation is, I definitely don't judge you. As I have been there myself. But I want to make clear to you, that just when you take responsibility and start healing the inner wounds you are holding from your relationship with your dad ,(even though he may not have been existing in your physical reality) your standards with romantic relationships are going to change!
You will be able to become more confident and stable within yourself. You will decide, without hesitation, what type of partner you accept and which ones you don't. You will set boundaries without fear of being abandoned and you will have a clear image of what you want in a relationship; you won't feel afraid of connecting deeply with someone. You will go for what you know you are worth and, you won't settle for less!
But, if you keep carrying around the subconscious programming, and the emotional baggage you got from childhood with your dad, let me tell you, your romantic relationships are destined to be a mess.
Let's be honest!
Your romantic soulmate needs a version of yourself free from this past baggage. You can't be ready for a partner that loves you unconditionally, and respects your whole, if you still keep reflecting back on others the things you learned in childhood. If love looked like "being ignored and not being a priority", you need to heal this and not bring this into a new relationship!
In my case, for years I thought that begging and pleasing men was the way to be loved. I learned from the physical absence and the lack of emotional affection from my father when I was a child, that it was okay when someone didn't show up for me and I agreed to accept things that weren't okay with my persona, because of the fear of being abandoned.
But once I decided to do everything in my hands to heal those wounds and improve the current relationship with my dad, this is when things finally changed. The journey of healing, went from writing letters to my dad from that place of the wounded inner child, releasing stuck emotions and trauma in my body from old memories, reprogramming my mind to new beliefs, facing my dad, and having real -honest conversations with him and also doing ancestral work with family constellations and forgiving. This allowed me to heal the baggage I was holding from that experience and build a new base.
As a result, I started meeting men that didn't replicate a younger version of my dad at that time. I made myself a priority and dates went differently because I was clear about what I wanted and I deserved.
I basically built new standards for my romantic connections, till one day, I was the version of myself that matched my current partner. Someone I share a child with. Someone that I'm on a sacred journey with. A journey of growth, mutual appreciation, respect and above all: a journey of love...
If this post has touched you deeply because you saw yourself in it, I would like to invite you to take the next step: Heal the relationship with your dad, manifest the soulmate you deserve!
There are two ways I would like to invite you to do this:
You can book a 1:1 session with me, where you can get personalized guidance and tools to heal your old wounds, clean the old baggage from your life and create a version of yourself ready to match your dream relationship.
You can download my free E-book HEAL & DESIGN YOUR LIFE where you will learn the basics of self-healing and integration in your lifestyle. Start the journey of wiping out the old baggage from your current life!
Whichever way you decide to go, I trust you know it's time for the change. It's time to reclaim the relationship you deserve!
With love,
Jen
Ps: Do you love this blog and found it helpful? Let me know in the comments or share with me on my social channels, I would love to hear from you.
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About Jen
I'm an Intuitive healer, Inner Wellness and Conscious Lifestyle mentor, trauma-informed coach, author, & mom. After facing bulimia disorder, trauma from abortion, depression, childhood abandonment, ancestral trauma, toxic relationships, and a poor and victim mindset I decided to take responsibility for my life, stop the struggle and create a new life design in alignment with my soul.
During 12 years of inner work, I discovered the importance of understanding that we are MULTIDIMENSIONAL BEINGS: body, emotions, mind, energy, soul & more. We need to heal and integrate every part of our multidimensionality in order to transform with long-lasting results & design the life we desire. Today I keep teaching the basis of self-healing, spiritual transformation, and lifestyle design while balancing my role as the mom of Zen.
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